Routine

Work heals, lessons heal, routine heals...
I was just checking another bundle of quizzes, when the Youtube accidentally played our song, the song of my university love and me...I ignored it first, resisted for a while, then put the green pen down, and sat back. I feel nothing. I am friends with Him now, friends like friends, friends like we talk about our separate personal lives, friends like we chat occasionally and it feels fine, friends like we apologized and Love is gone, friends like He is the walls I can lean on whenever...What a bitch time actually is. It washes away all...the good...the bad...all...the valueless becomes valuable, and irreplaceablea become forgotten...with time...by time...by routine....Right was Lennon when saying life is what haooens to us while we make plans...I was planning to do drama, I was planning to be an emotional woman, but I ended up going back to My Ice Queen Bitchiness, routine did it to me...again...Still, routine rocks...Routine arranges, puts the books in their drawers! Routine cleanses itself, like a lazy warm fed cat!

We need a Muse or One Open Letter to Bella

We were talking the other time, and I promised to say it out clear for you. Bella, we, people who write, need a Muse. We need inspiration. We need the vibes to write. And some writers describe authentic feelings. I do. What I write about is 100 % genuine -  I have experienced it. Sometimes people involved made me that high, sometimes I myself, I chose to feel that way, that deep, that crappy....but we do need a Muse to write. And it is an honour, a blessing to be a Muse for one, to be the Hero or Heroine of the writer's storyline. We take it deep, and serve you back. It goes through us, and we progress through it. We write, we set free, we let go. This is how we go.
A guy's look in the cafe made me mention him in my writing, not because I fell madly in love, or I had some hopes connected with him, but because short glances, vibrant touches and rare instant vibes nourish our mind and fingers to type like a psycho (very much like you when typing your papers in a race)!
Do you remember that emotional letter I sent you and Suzy about one date? You labeled it the warmest ever. Do you think he knows he made me feel that high? Do you think he guesses I told anyone about that night? No, he doesn't have to. He doesn't need to. That was me who was so inspired to share it with you. That was me whose Inside rolled over because of the vives he gave me. I took his Vibes to find Myself. And I am thankful to each and every Muse I have ever had.
We need a Muse to believe in the reality of our Sensitive World, We need a Muse to apply our fantasies. We need a Muse to strive through our Life Dramas.Be Grateful to be a Muse to one, or the One.

Choices

I chose it all - my job, my friends, my thoughts, my coffee. It is difficult to choose between Cappu and Cinna-topped Americano, Apple or Samsung, but it's even more difficult to choose people to share them with. I do it acknowledging the mistakes I might have made. But the ride is worth it all. The disappointment will fade away, as the Cappu will stop attracting me. And I will not choose that cherry lipstick from now on. I tossed it today. I tossed my disappointments,too. And whatever we are one thing is a must " One needs to have ***ls', notwithstanding the gender, to move ahead, still brave...still open-hearted...still moral.

And this will Pass

Everything passes. The beauty remains. When people cause me sufferings, I filter it all, and take with me the good only. There is one thing I am afraid of - losing people without making sure I did make clear how much Iloved them. I am not afraid of death, I have simply seen it. I know what it is when you neglect someone, and this someone dies, and you live your life with htis heavy load on your heart. This is why I so eagerly and generously speak out about my admirations and love.
The frozen moments pass. The pains pass. And this will pass. And all is left is that warm look of yours I will keep forever. And that will pass...Or will it not?

To My Friends

I have earned you, all of you. I love you all unconditionally, honestly, endlessly.

I have the best friends one may have. Sometimes, I have the feeling I do not make it clear to you what you mean to me, so here is a post about it. Here is a post to you who are there for me when I need, and not there when I need my space. The ones who call me from the USA and write from China, the ones who shop for me in Belarus, buy souvenirs in Cheque Republic, bring presents from their honeymoon trips. chat for hours from Israel and Russia, and miss me in Poland. I love you. The ones who I talk to every day, every week, every month, hardly ever. I thank you for your beautiful existence in my life. I do not like collecting stuff, but your presents, especially bracelets, earrings and scarves have special healing powers on me, and I make use of them. Friends never say goodbye, this I know. Even when we  split up for some reason (Belle, miss you here), or stop being that close for some reason ( Hasmik, you are always a very special one, though), or become too close for some reason (Dope, could not help), everything is great, everything is fine. With you even the worst days were the best ones, and I will always remember you. There's a part of you that will stay in me forever. 

Thank you millions of times for giving me reasons to smile, for making me feel loved and needed. I know I have earned you. I hope I will earn having you forever, too.

The importance of having said

Time takes us where we belong. Temporary and permanent..all settle in a box of chess figures.But the beauty remains. The beauty of the moments. When all Is gone, the only thing that makes us feel soothed is the feeling of havingsaid all we should have, having treated people the way they deserved, the kindest possible, the most human and moral possible...
Might be, it is because I am a linguist and a journalist and I literally play with words, but it is super easy for me to say the words people need years to utter. I am the one who said her former special one how impressed she was when first had seen him, the one who told her dad he was wrong in his most crucial decision, the one who constantly reminds her mom how she overcomplicates everything. I am not afraid of saying toomuch, I am happy to have said what I needed, felt like, wanted.
Never afraid to lose people, but afraid to lose them without having said all they deserved. There is nothing more intolerable for me than losing someone I love without having done my best to make them happy, whoever, however.
Dear beloveds, this is why I spare words of love and appreciation, not because I am a Drama Queen, not because I overreact, but because life serves us all shit, and I want to do my maximum to make sure I have treated you right, made you feel how much you mattered, having said all I needed.
To be free...to be happy...to be authentic.
...and something prompts me I am not that wrong...

I remember you

I remember you. Mom remembers you even more often. When we pass by places we were together. When we meet with your wife and deink for you. When we simply see you in our dreams. We remember you. We smile when we do. We cry when we do.
I remember once you took mom to visit me when I was in a camp in Tsaghkadzor. Everyone thought you were my dad. Because, in a way, you were. You werethe one to take me to Sevan for the first time. You were the one to be next to my mom when she lost her relatives. You were the one to ve my mom's best friend, boss, brother for almost three decades. You were special. To all of us. And I am so sorry it takes death to acknowledge this, but noone will ever look at me the way you did - That's Armenakovna's girl look is stamped on my forehead.
You were generous towards me, both psychologically and financially, and maybe because I never expected or asked or accepted most of your givings, you admired me so much. You used to boast everywhere I was special. You made me feel special.
I will always remember my birthday in your summer house. What a party it was! What fun we had!
I lost my second father when I lost you. You were like a second dad to me. We live without you. But we remember you. I remember you. I feel you. Thank you for being next to my family for the way you were thgough all and always.
Happy Birthday! I will always remember you! I will make sure my children know about your beautiful presence in our lives.