What is love? Baby, hurt me...

A friend of mine once asked me " Is love a real thing? Have you ever experienced it?" We were not very close back then, or I was afraid, so I said " Well, maybe, I don't know. Maybe people created it to give mening to otherwise meaningless life they have".
I came back to the person after two months and told out of the blue " Do you remember once you asked me about love? And I was not sincere with you. I want to tell you now that Love does exist and I have experienced it". And to his bewilderment I continued to share all the true destinguishing traits of love. Love is uncontrollable. We just pick someone who we allow to hurt us endlessly...Love is sacrifice, a chosen, acknowledged, controlled, willing sacrifice. You know the person does all the wrong things, but you accept it, deal with it, love with it, love through it. Love is letting people see the true us - vulnerable, insecure. Love is timeless, sexless. Love is a soul connection. Love has many faces. Love is in details. Love is Life. It needs time to realize what Love is. I have plenty to do. But one thing I know now is that love is hurt. I don't mean it brings pain and all the stuff songs and movies are about. I mean love is hurting the person  you love more than anyone, and accepting, dealing with maximum hurt from the person who loves you.
Also, love is noticing. Noticing the bow tie you brought for your friend that he wears on a special occasion, love is buying the ticket for a play next to your friend when they don't expect it, love is a friend cooking your favorite thing every time they can make it, love is buying flowers, love is buying warm clothes and cold ice cream, love is wearing that bracelet your love gave you and smiling when looking at it every time. Love is brawling over who is taking who home. Love is listening to that song, and singing this one together. Love is lighting each other's cigarettes and breaking them when there  are too many of them. Love is long talks and short walks. Love is practical, very very practical.


Now live with it... know that you let me pass by you and never called back
Now deal with it... think much about trust, about pain, about lies and forgive yourself
for not being what I saw in you, what I wanted to find inside. 

Go on, leave with it. Take your hurt, take your guts, let me shine.


I take my heart with me and go,
I am not up for your childish drama,
I hold my head straight up and go,
Though I know you are my life karma.

You tire me with disrespect,
with inability to take, accept,
your endless sources of tease and hurt,
your jealousy and walls you built.

I am analyzing all I said,
 and all you gave me in response,
You are older, but still not there yet,
 where you see good, come grab and go.

What is your issue? Where’s your wound?
I am tired of waiting for commitment.
Maybe I should take my heart and go,
You just don’t need me at this moment.


Love is all we need

"Love is all we need" is what my cousin's arm tattoo and the Beatles' song say. Love is, indeed, all we need...all we need to be whole.
When someone is aggressive, when someone starts to do drama, when someone "barks around", when someone hurts people, says nasty things, does nasty stuff...it is all from the lack of love. Because, as to me, a person who is whole with their inner peace, who has love inside, enough love, cannot produce anything but kind. So every time someone I care for is angry or argumentative, this person gets love from me in return. They also get a shock. Because when they are up for an argument, they expect me to fight back, but get softness, care and love in return.
Well, I have not always been so cunning. Previously, not long ago, I also lacked love, and I was starting to cause arguments and drama and all, too. And then I found my love. accidentally...just someone loved me, truly. And it was an eye-opening experience. This person gave me all I needed- Love, the Love my former friends never gave, the Love my father failed to give, the Love I myself failed to sense. And then I was left alone, in the middle of the night, in the centre of Vayots dzor with this enormous love inside. I was unable to fight it. it was too big, too sincere. I had to surrender. And I gave in, the best rapture ever. Back then I was not mature enough to realize what had happened to me- I was conquered with Love. All forgiving Love.
And then I opened my heart and started to love everyone who hurt, everyone who bit, everyone who craved attention and fulfillment. Because we all need Love to heal, and Love is all we need.
The Sun cannot give anything but warmth, well, and too much warmth, a stroke. But the Sun cannot give you Cold, it is not build so.
People are built to recycle Love, and trust me, if everyone could remember how much they actually love the people they argue with, the Earth would be a much better place. People who love don't argue, they leak love, they spread love, and they know that Love is all we need. All we need to be whole.
Thank you forever, my special one, for healing my wounds, for making me feel all I did. And I truly hope you never read this, because you always called me cheesy and drama queen, and that is what I actually am, but with a lot of Love inside, all reciprocated by you.



Have you ever heard Life talking to you? Through radio...via TV...or the book you are reading...might be the illness you have...maybe the movie you are watching...or most randomly, through people and conditions.
Sometimes you want to do something, you try hard, but it just fails. And the universe does not support you, though you wanted with all your heart. Credits to Coelho.
And then it just happened. Though you did not crave for it. You were simply ripe enough, you were merely ready.
It is an inner harmony we strive for, and then it comes, sits on our eyes and hopefully stays.
Sometimes you head off somewhere, and all the traffic lights are red, and the streets are jammed, and the air is stiff. And on other occasions you find parking on Abovyan at 3.00 P.M. on a weekday. Just because Life wants you to do what you are doing- and everything is easy breezy, every obstacle just evaporates.
And some people are just obstacles, they seem our destination, but they ain't even transportation to get where we are meant to end up. And there are fuel-people, who appreciate, who push us to be better, who give us the air in the bones. And it is so right with them, just right is how you feel.
The right comes with perfect timing. Life knows better. It talks wiser. It prompts softer. We need to listen when Life talks.


I love the smell of cigarettes from your fingers,
I love the way your eyes soothe any pain.
I see the way you calm my beasts and dramas,
I watch my words open your heart wider.

You call me special, you see through all my heartbreaks,
And still there is no pressure, there’s no trauma.


He is exactly what I wanted him to be-
His smile, his wit, his tie, his lips.
He has projected all I craved to see-
The strength, the ethics, the morality.

He makes me feel mature, he makes me move
From where I am to where I wanna be.
He is like me - forever learning new,
He has the truth I always want to see.

He meets my highest expectations without trying,
He holds my future full of fun and crying.
He is the face I saw in dream once,
He is my man with who I am up to dance.