We need a Muse or One Open Letter to Bella

We were talking the other time, and I promised to say it out clear for you. Bella, we, people who write, need a Muse. We need inspiration. We need the vibes to write. And some writers describe authentic feelings. I do. What I write about is 100 % genuine -  I have experienced it. Sometimes people involved made me that high, sometimes I myself, I chose to feel that way, that deep, that crappy....but we do need a Muse to write. And it is an honour, a blessing to be a Muse for one, to be the Hero or Heroine of the writer's storyline. We take it deep, and serve you back. It goes through us, and we progress through it. We write, we set free, we let go. This is how we go.
A guy's look in the cafe made me mention him in my writing, not because I fell madly in love, or I had some hopes connected with him, but because short glances, vibrant touches and rare instant vibes nourish our mind and fingers to type like a psycho (very much like you when typing your papers in a race)!
Do you remember that emotional letter I sent you and Suzy about one date? You labeled it the warmest ever. Do you think he knows he made me feel that high? Do you think he guesses I told anyone about that night? No, he doesn't have to. He doesn't need to. That was me who was so inspired to share it with you. That was me whose Inside rolled over because of the vives he gave me. I took his Vibes to find Myself. And I am thankful to each and every Muse I have ever had.
We need a Muse to believe in the reality of our Sensitive World, We need a Muse to apply our fantasies. We need a Muse to strive through our Life Dramas.Be Grateful to be a Muse to one, or the One.

Choices

I chose it all - my job, my friends, my thoughts, my coffee. It is difficult to choose between Cappu and Cinna-topped Americano, Apple or Samsung, but it's even more difficult to choose people to share them with. I do it acknowledging the mistakes I might have made. But the ride is worth it all. The disappointment will fade away, as the Cappu will stop attracting me. And I will not choose that cherry lipstick from now on. I tossed it today. I tossed my disappointments,too. And whatever we are one thing is a must " One needs to have ***ls', notwithstanding the gender, to move ahead, still brave...still open-hearted...still moral.

And this will Pass

Everything passes. The beauty remains. When people cause me sufferings, I filter it all, and take with me the good only. There is one thing I am afraid of - losing people without making sure I did make clear how much Iloved them. I am not afraid of death, I have simply seen it. I know what it is when you neglect someone, and this someone dies, and you live your life with htis heavy load on your heart. This is why I so eagerly and generously speak out about my admirations and love.
The frozen moments pass. The pains pass. And this will pass. And all is left is that warm look of yours I will keep forever. And that will pass...Or will it not?

To My Friends

I have earned you, all of you. I love you all unconditionally, honestly, endlessly.

I have the best friends one may have. Sometimes, I have the feeling I do not make it clear to you what you mean to me, so here is a post about it. Here is a post to you who are there for me when I need, and not there when I need my space. The ones who call me from the USA and write from China, the ones who shop for me in Belarus, buy souvenirs in Cheque Republic, bring presents from their honeymoon trips. chat for hours from Israel and Russia, and miss me in Poland. I love you. The ones who I talk to every day, every week, every month, hardly ever. I thank you for your beautiful existence in my life. I do not like collecting stuff, but your presents, especially bracelets, earrings and scarves have special healing powers on me, and I make use of them. Friends never say goodbye, this I know. Even when we  split up for some reason (Belle, miss you here), or stop being that close for some reason ( Hasmik, you are always a very special one, though), or become too close for some reason (Dope, could not help), everything is great, everything is fine. With you even the worst days were the best ones, and I will always remember you. There's a part of you that will stay in me forever. 

Thank you millions of times for giving me reasons to smile, for making me feel loved and needed. I know I have earned you. I hope I will earn having you forever, too.

The importance of having said

Time takes us where we belong. Temporary and permanent..all settle in a box of chess figures.But the beauty remains. The beauty of the moments. When all Is gone, the only thing that makes us feel soothed is the feeling of havingsaid all we should have, having treated people the way they deserved, the kindest possible, the most human and moral possible...
Might be, it is because I am a linguist and a journalist and I literally play with words, but it is super easy for me to say the words people need years to utter. I am the one who said her former special one how impressed she was when first had seen him, the one who told her dad he was wrong in his most crucial decision, the one who constantly reminds her mom how she overcomplicates everything. I am not afraid of saying toomuch, I am happy to have said what I needed, felt like, wanted.
Never afraid to lose people, but afraid to lose them without having said all they deserved. There is nothing more intolerable for me than losing someone I love without having done my best to make them happy, whoever, however.
Dear beloveds, this is why I spare words of love and appreciation, not because I am a Drama Queen, not because I overreact, but because life serves us all shit, and I want to do my maximum to make sure I have treated you right, made you feel how much you mattered, having said all I needed.
To be free...to be happy...to be authentic.
...and something prompts me I am not that wrong...

I remember you

I remember you. Mom remembers you even more often. When we pass by places we were together. When we meet with your wife and deink for you. When we simply see you in our dreams. We remember you. We smile when we do. We cry when we do.
I remember once you took mom to visit me when I was in a camp in Tsaghkadzor. Everyone thought you were my dad. Because, in a way, you were. You werethe one to take me to Sevan for the first time. You were the one to be next to my mom when she lost her relatives. You were the one to ve my mom's best friend, boss, brother for almost three decades. You were special. To all of us. And I am so sorry it takes death to acknowledge this, but noone will ever look at me the way you did - That's Armenakovna's girl look is stamped on my forehead.
You were generous towards me, both psychologically and financially, and maybe because I never expected or asked or accepted most of your givings, you admired me so much. You used to boast everywhere I was special. You made me feel special.
I will always remember my birthday in your summer house. What a party it was! What fun we had!
I lost my second father when I lost you. You were like a second dad to me. We live without you. But we remember you. I remember you. I feel you. Thank you for being next to my family for the way you were thgough all and always.
Happy Birthday! I will always remember you! I will make sure my children know about your beautiful presence in our lives.

Rules that never fail to work

Looking down (:-)) from my 26 years of experiencing this beautiful life, analyzing my fulfilling relationships with the world and its dwellers, I have figured out a couple of unwritten rules that never fail to work:
-  One can never be equally successful in three ,major spheres of their life - everything is great either with your personal life, or academic-professional, or social. Running after balance helps temporarily only.
- The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Now let me paraphrase this for those who are polite and beware the word that starts with F. The less you care about stuff, the more the stuff cares for you. This refers to everyone and everything.
- What goes around comes all the way back around. Just the way it was sent. Just at times you never expect.
- Friends never say goodbye. Time washes away the friends we do not need, and keeps the people we need at hand's reach.
-Notice the signs. They come through people, music, street advertising. Ask the question, and the answer will catch up.
- Love exists. It is inside of us. Some nice or not very nice people help us reveal it, but the feeling is all inside. One can never lose a beloved one. The beloveds are in our hearts, and as far as they want it, they will be there, even when not at hand's reach anymore.
- Happiness is routine. Walking with someone, talking to someone, loving someone are daily practices. This is happiness.
Yes, I am super experienced in life. I am one who makes mistakes understanding the consequences and enjoying the moments. I know all the rules, I advise people, and I never act accordingly. I do it consciously.

Երեկ լիալուսին էր

Գիրք էի կարդում, մեկ էլ աչքս լուսնին ընկավ։ Էնքան մեծ ու սիրուն էր լուսինը։ Կլոր, պայծառ, ամպերի մեջ սիրուն փաթաթված։  էնքան սիրուն լիալուսին էր, որ ուզեցա զանգեմ սիրելիիս ու ասեմ, որ ինքն էլնայի, էն էլ մտքովս անցավ, որ առանց ասելու էլ կնայի, ու տենց ավելի ռոմանԾիկ ա։ Նայեցի ու իմ Լուսնին հիշեցի, կարոտեցի։ Ու հիշեցի, որ ինքն իրա ամերիկաներում նույն իմ լուսնին ա նայում։ Նայեցի Լուսնին ու ասեցի, որ իմ Լուսնին շատ եմ սիրում։ Առավոտյան տեսա, որ ինքն էլ էր հենց էդ պահին մտքերով իմ հետ. սիրուն բաներ էր գրում, գրում էր, որ կարոտում ա։ Դու իմ Լիալուսինն ես, գանձս։ Քեզ սիրում-միրում եմ։ Շուտ հետ արի, որ էլի երկար-երկար իրար հետ լացենք))

Adverb practice

I want you to love me desparately,
All forgivingly, promise keepingly,
I will waitingly, go have funingly,
We'll come cleaningly, we'll live happily.

I will hopefully find you luckily
Looking at me lovingly, kissing my lips angrily,
Holding my wrests calmingly,
Taking me home unwillingly.

Love me tenderly, call me secondly,
Hug me hurtingly, smell me hungrily,
Love you foreverly, see you everywherely,
Meant to be togetherly!

Lagom

Lagom is a beautiful Swedish word which stands for "just enough, in moderation". Concidentally, I happened to entounter this word as I was arranging my life according to the lagom rule -just enough of work, just enough of sport, just enough of fun, just enough of reading, just enough of everything. I am a critical person, either all or none, love me or leave me. But this new challenge seems to take over me, it is like an obsession to cope with it. It is very difficult to reach lagom,  but once you do, the complete contentment takes you to the  Heavenly relaxation and satisfacrion of the mind and soul.
Coincidentally, as I am slowing down to fox moderation, my Taurusnyak advises me to live like they do in her new country - slowly, and letting things happen.
Lagom is cool.
Lagom is amazing.
Slow down. Enjoy moderation.
P.S. fails to work for chocolate, though))

Signs

I am not sure if it has always been like this, or maybe I am just seeing what I want to see, but it has been a good week every single thing around me talks to me. By sign language. I ask questions to myself or my friends or my family or my beloved, and my everyday life answers them...by means fo random people's remarks in the shop or bus, songs, Facebook posts, movies that appear to be on TV T that very moment and on that very scene.
I am afraid of these signs. They support me to do wreckless things, wreckless things that will make me completely happy...I am afraid of the signs.

It hurts - unpublished

It hurts to love you. It hurts to be loved by you. It hurts to see you jealous and miss. It hurts to be jealous and miss you. I miss you every moment, even when you are around, because even when you arenext to me, you are not with me the we I want it. It hurts to see you being attracted to, meeting, even talking about anothe female. I am insanely jealous. Ready to zip your mouth and tie your hands and make you see only me and noone else. It hurts to know we are temporary. It hurts to realise your feelings have not reached the level to make you confident enough to literally come, and get me and you still expect me to make steps which you know I won't. It hurts to know we will never happen.It hurts to know we would be perfect.

գրկեմ քեզ

...Գրկեմ քեզ ու հոտդ առնեմ։ Գրկեմ քեզ ամուր-ամուր ու գլուխս խցկեմ կզակիդ ու կրծքավանդակիդ միջև ու շունչս պահեմ։ Ու ձեռքերս խաչվեն իրար քո թիկունքում, ու ասեմ, որ կարոտել էի, շատ էի կարոտել։ Ասեմ, որ ամենասիրուն քաղաքում ու ամենաշքեղ նավի վրա, ամենագունեղ կտավի դիմաց ու ամենակապույտ ու արևոտ երկնքի տակ միայն քեզ եմ հիշել։ Գրկեմ ու ասեմ։ Ու չվախենամ, որ երես կառնես, քիթդ կցցես ու ինձ պակաս կգնահատես։ Ասեմ ու իմանամ, որ առանց ասելու էլ գիտես, ու որ փոխադարձ ենք։
Գրկեմ գլուխդ ու մազերդ շոյեմ, հետո աչքերդ փակես ու ատամներդ բացես, ու ես արագ շուրթերս վեր ու վար վազեցնեմ՝ մեկ փակ աչքերիդ վրա՝ երանության մեջ թրթռացող թարթիչներիդ ու գոցված կոպերիդ, մեկ բաց բերանիդ ու քամուց չորացած ատամներիդ։ Գրկեմ ու սիրեմ։ Սիրեմ ու հալվեմ։ Փաստորեն սիրելիս սենց են կարոտում։ Գրկեմ քեզ...

Working on Air

My editor has texted me on Viber about a new interview coming. I am excited. Looking forward to morning to sit and work.
My writer has sent me an Email with a new article to proofread. I am counting seconds till I get to my mom's computer to open the document.
I have been waiting for this blessed moment frim 3 A.M. when I went to bed. I am turning the computer on. My coffee smells like heaven. My manicure looks amazing over the keyboard. Chopin plays along. I am in a working extazy. Love my jobs! All of them!

It feels high

To be loved by you forever,
to be touched by only your arms,
Have your breath on my neck and forehead,
be with you no matter what.

To be taken to sky by one look,
to have fingers deep into your hair,
Say hello and good bye, and "I've missed you",
Share your fears, your luck and all else.

You're my past, my present and future,
One and only, I need noone else.
Take me high, sing that song, sigh me in,
I am high, it feels good, it feels great.

Are you lonesome tonight?

Sometimes we are left alone - we have to walk alone, think alone, listen to music alone. This is destined for the one who needs to take her time.
Today I was left alone: neither my mom, nir my friend agreed to walk with me. But I was desparately committed to take the walk. So, I changed my trousers, put on my favourite gray cardigan with  long edges that everyone except forme hates, put my earphones and nleft home.
I had some garbage to dispose of, and with that plastic bag I seemed to pget rid of some of my negative feelings I had accumulated throughout the last year, month, week, day, hours,minutes...whatever..and then I went to the street...and it started to rain, as if the sky wanted to hint me something....something like " I will wash away your worries, darling". And I  allure to quit my wish and go home my earliest possible...and then I thought " A couple of drops of water...what will happen to me? I am not sugarno melt!" So I did not give up. I kept on walking. Walking away. And then my favourite songs followed one another. And when I reached the next block, there was this mystic coincidence of me listening to the song and seeing that really handsome guy walking towards me, looking just like me - with earphones, same mood, same look, same style, same vibes, same colours. He is looking at me, and I am looking at him, and non of us decides to come along and talk. Happens often, right? Two people walk past each other, they like each other, there is this special instant they feel something, and then it is gone -passed. And then I look back, and he looks back at me. I turn, widen my teeth with braces in the sweetest content smile and continue my way. And for some reason I need mire air, and more freedom - so I uncross my hands from around my chest, upen the  cardigan, put hands in p my pockets, and start singing along the songs. The wind plays with my hair, eyes, smile and heart. I got some vibes from that guy, some vibes I might have ususally ignored, but at that very moment I needed him to show me that A random stranger could share that special moment. Somebody who I do not know, and somebody who knows nothing about me and who I will probably ever see again gives me the vibes I beg from everyone, starting from close friends and ending with distant relatives.
And then I go kn walking, listening to Nina Simone and Edith Piaf - the women who are supposed to know what love is, And then I start thinking about love. Did I experience it? Did I really love the three men I think I loved? Was that love. Was that attraction? Connection of souls? Or maybe, how I love to label it, mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship? And then I think of my future? Will I ever be able to love again? Have I loved in the past? How do you know that it is love!?
We read about it. We listen about it in the songs. But who knows what that is!? Is it when you choose that person over anyone? Or is it when you cannot live without talking to that person a single day? Or is it when you want to share the good the bad and everything with him? Which are the boundaries of love? What prerequisites do youneed to have the chance to experience one?
I don't know. But I know I do nto believe in coincidences. Am I a fatalist? I don't think so. Am I religious? Hardly would I be. I am just addicted to astrology and my birth chart prerequisites. But how do the stars design our future? And how can we change anything?
 Is that the guy again! Is this real? I can't feel my legs, I become a big heartheat. There are no coincidences. He is smiling at me, I am smiling at him, we stop as we reach each other. In a few seconds the stranger sends me his first text on my messenger, -Hi! I'd like to join you. Why in English? Coincidence? I don't think so. 

The comfort to know you exist,
The happiness of you being near me,
Your touch and devotion to breathe,
And be an integral of your being.

The love that you give me so strong,
The promise to never let go,
The strength of your arms give me fever,
I adore your eyes deep and warm.

Each cell of my body embraces
The coward you feel at some times,
I love to feel senses you give me
I love You wide smile next to mine.

I experience what I've just read of:
You and Me, so damn real, so eternal.
Every good that is one's is the others,
Every loss we just share and split up.

We are genuine, we are simply intended,
Some partners are really meant to be,
I am yours, like noone's and like never,
We are one, you're my half. Is this real?

Karma

We split up, because I was a child, and made a drama out of a joke. When you wanted to talk, I did not care. Then I wanted to talk, you were broken.
We met again after 5 years. You wanted to talk, I did not care. Now I want to talk, you are broken again.
Why am I never ready for your talks? Why are you never eager to excuse my weakness? 

LifeSong

I don't know if it's good or bad,
But he somehow just has my head,
He pulls the strings and I obey,
He is my Heaven and my Hell.

He knows my best, has seen my worst,
And we have swum through many rains,
I trust my all to him, no words,
I hope we never give in shades.

My foe, my brother, father mine,
My fan, my master, kid of mine,
My everything, my glassed door,
I love you more, You are my shrine.

Accidentally in Love

Sometimes at events we come across people who fall in love with us, accidentally, unplanned, for a short time or a long, for the look or wit, for the eyes or lips, for the way you hold your posture, for your loving vodka or openly eating for pleasure, for your sarcasm or rudeness. And then it is gone. A moment, a look of admiration, a wave of passion, and it is gone. Feeling desperate will do no good. One needs to simply notice such things, and hopefully being well educated in body language and NLP, figure out the subconscious signals and enjoy the moment.
These intrigues last a moment, usually because of one of the potential partners being involved in a commitment, age difference, social status difference, and you name it what else.
But it is damn cool to fall in love...accidentally...and know that was mutual...Affection is always felt by the object towards who it is nourished. And then you spare the night on imagining how things might have ended up....And then there is 8 A.M. on the wall clock. Time to come back to non-accidental, well-planned and skilfully outlined loves.

Illusion or not...Error_____

Who has had a chance to discuss relationships with me knows what I say about them all - there is no such thing as a relationship, it is all our imagination, our perceptions of the reality. There is no hatred or love, theres is what we think it is, what we want it to be. I say we take the image, the outer layer of a person we like physically and apply to that person all the good we want to see in his/her deeds, and then get disappointed as we see our expectations are not met. I have said this to so many people and so many times, that I myself started to believe in it.
And then there is my good friend, my system restarter Harout, who looks at me through the smoke and says " Sun, illusion is what you want it to be. Reality is what you neglect. You call relationships illusive, but you experience the authentic". Error_______
Defence mechanism?

The old and the new

Old is always boring, and new is attractive, new is promising. But why is it so that as I get the new, I get disappointed very soon and want to go back to my same old, same boring?! And is that only my brain that functions this way?
I want a new phone, I get it, and then I compare it with the old one, and suddenly the old seems more valuable to me. The new one sucks. Why? Because the old one has memories of my conversations and messages and photos with my beloved ones. It took my a while to undestand I love the old simply because it relates to me, and the new can relate too, once I invest in it.
This refers to friends, boyfriends, people in general,too. Old is gold, but new is always better. Or is it not?

Take Your Time

It is so absolutely crucial to take Your time. Our time. There is noone, but you, you - happy, you - desperate.
As I turn my laptop on, I look into the sky, I open the magazine page photo sent by my editor, read about that gorgeous painter whose insights open a whole new world to me, turn the beautiful cello music on and I take my time -  here and now. My fingers start struggling against the keyboard, running faster, and faster, no time for a coffee sip, no time for Facebook notifications, no time for even Tchaikovsky's Waltz for the Flowers, I am gone, I have taken my time and disappeared. And I see from beside how my body is still sitting in the armchair and how my long nails take me to rage every time they make my typing uncomfortable, and I see my head swaying in the rhythm of the music,my face is so bright, my eyes are closed, but I secretly follow the screen, and a dim smile crosses my lips as I see every letter is typed correctly. The music changes, the tempo changes, a sip of water, a thought of life, and Euphoria's gone. Time was taken. I am back now.

Vulnerable

We are all just scared to be vulnerable.
We wear the masks, seem ignorant, behave irrelevant with one and only aim not to show our inner child. Because once it comes out, we are not perceived the same we had been before. We are like naked in public.
And only the special ones who we trust more have the privilege to see our vulnerability. Does that matter? A question for time to ask...

The Good, the Bad, and the Crazy

Noone is flawless: we just choose to cope with the flaws of the beloved ones only.
Every time I feel I have an absolute friend, a flaw shows up, it might have the face of a rude remark, an accidental gossip or a secret that was expected to be shared with me. And then there is this dilemma- to fight or let go.
Fight hasmany faces. I have done one fight with a close friend not to lose. I just disappeared from the life of the person, knowing it would make us even closer when we make up again. At the edge of losing forever we found out each other, thanks to Life, and since then nothing is strong enough to split us up. We tried being without each other - one month was the maximum we could endure.
It is easy to get mad and send your closest friends to hell at the moment of rage or hurt,but is itworth all the life you have shared till then? Who will gain from loss? None.
Yesterday at a party one greatcomplete stranger was talking about friendship and said "We are capable of changing a lifetime friend with an hourly acquaintance, it is our essence.But one needs to cherish any friendship and work on it. The message of the conversation was "everything needs to be talked over". I could  not have agreed more. After being the initiator and supporter of sending my closest friends to hell I have understood one thing; If I decide or life makes me choose someone as a friend I need to take the full pack of the person, including the good, the bad, and the crazy, and always remember that my full pack is not less difficult to handle.
Working on relationships, talking matters over, not giving up, not being weak- my new working points.

Photos too precious to be shared

Checkins and taggings, comments and likings....photos to brag...photos to impress...photos to motivate...
In this year of faking a life on fakebook(c), sharing love and hatred on timelines, we still have photos depicting emotions too precious to be shared, even if they show the best of us. Photos of the most memorable moments are too important to be publicized - sometimes, there are so powerful that we are afraid to look at them too many times and for too long, dreading the fear of taking the charm.
Yet, at the moments of ultimate pleasure and soul satisfaction, we just close our eyes and take a screenshot of us at that moment to keep in mind and heart all those comforting senses to remember them at the times of feeling useless to ourselves.

The Look of God

The look of God is in your eyes, in the eyes of my parents, of my beloved man, of my best friends and worst acquaintances. the look of devotion, the look of being there for me is there to remind me God is Love, and it is in Practice that works. God is the strength my mother gets to support me when I am desperately childish and vulnerable. God is the patience my best friend possesses when I am at my worst and show the evil I do not actually have a lot. God is when my students spare me their love and appreciation and when I realize I am absolutely happy and successful in my career. God is when I hang out with my dear people and see my happy look from aside. I am happy to have God around all the time. God has no religion. God is Love. God is Life.

On Motivating and being Motivated

It is the absolute pleasure of life- to see the sparkle in people's eyes, to realise you have been a change, you have inspired, you have been noted. Teaching the language, or time management, showing your weaknesses and strengths, being committed and flexible- whatever is needed in the moment that motivates.
My motivation are those motivated by me. Motivation is a round way process. Money can motivate, too, and let us be brave and admit it is a big motivator. But most of all love motivated- love that is disguised in little gestures: the art of doing small steps and the art of noticing the latters.
My motivation is never the destination, my motivation is the process.

Farewell to My Mirror

You are My Mirror, My Opposite, My one and Only, My Dream Man. But it was you who fell in love with my wit and gave up on me because of my wit. It was you who supported me to be better and gave up on me when I became my best. It was you who changed me most, it was you, my unintended, my scratched mirror, who made me feel so special and loved and abandoned.
I had never believed in love at first sight, but it was all before I met you.
I had never been obedient, but it was all before you tamed me.
I had never been weak and available for the opposite sex, but it was all before you slaved me.
You confessed I had you from the first glance, but you confessed also that the first thought you had was that I was not "Your size". Whose size am I then, if not yours, My Dream Man.
You gave up on us too early, you never believed I might be soft for you, even when I was my softest.
I am giving up on us, after having tried to give up for some 3 years now, wish me well, and let me go at last. I am tired of be pulled back every time you see I really move on.
I know I will marry soon, I will marry a very decent man, who will not be mine from the first look, who will not tame me, who will simply think I am Right His Size, and only I will know My Size is still lonesome as ever and praying for me.
Let us Be Happy, My Mirror, Simultaneously, not together.
It took me maturity to realize You can have the strongest Love ever, yet never be together. Let us be happy forever, My Mirror.

About my Best Friend

I have had so many best friends and friends and acquaintances, who were worth and nor very much.
It was different this time.
Could not track how it happened but I woke up one day realizing there is a big Sun in my Life called Panda.
I clearly remember the time you mentioned how people never realize and acknowledge and appreciate your devotion, and it was the moment you went straight into my inner child's heart. I seldom get pampered with the feeling of being appreciated for my devotion. But with you I am sure, I am. Though you are my biggest critic, you are my biggest fan, and thank you for it.
It was funny how we went though all the days- weird to talk to someone every single day and still have something to learn.
I love the way we communicate- saying no masks means saying nothing. Sure, we both have a couple of secrets, still I am more than sure we have both shared this much with noone and hardly ever will.
We have built our friendship on cappu and cinnamon, Merlot and Ceaser salad, posh restaurants and shaurma, motivation letters and applications, my dramas and your tolerance, your bitchiness and my understanding.
I remember all many times your shoulder was there for me to cry on, you remember all many times my eyes were there to support your shitty and gorgeous writings- we grew together, we overcame together, we had so much fun together. We have overcome some of the most important phases in our lives together, still at those time we never noticed it.
Sometimes we both hate each other, just for a short time, that is when we fuck up and feel proud of our stubborn asses and proud selves. Still, none of us ever went to bed knowing the other is hurt or lonesome or needs her/him. And in the long run we have been the biggest supporters of one another, the best friends, though we both  avoid this word so much.
With every episode we watch, every meal we share, every photo we send my cloud grows bigger and bigger, and if for some reason we will not be there for each other I want us to remember all the fun we had and thank God for having one another around.
I hear your heartbeat, Sweetheart, and always will. Forever!
Thanks for being so special, for never letting me down, and for meeting all my super high expectations.
Live you, my Best Best Friend ever!

The Beauty of the End

People come and others go.
We make life, and that is all.
Ain't no other game to play
Than to give and take away.

Once so close, do people part,
Once unknown, do feelings rush,
All that's mine is all you gave
All I shared with you you spare.

Jealousy with love and hatred,
Expectations, still, never met
All that's mine is all you leave,
It's the beauty of the end I feel.

Noone owes me any hope,
I have paid my dues on time,
This was mine, and then it's gone,
Life goes on, new ones will come.