I have taken up ice skating recently. Why? Cause one astrologer suggetsed to try scating to relieve aggression (of which I have tons). I went to the rink with a favorite student, and with two of them...Yesterday, as I was trying to push my tired and heavy body towards the unpolished ice surface a fear of not holding my physical weight and psychological load of failures captured me. And I recognized this fear. Like in Holiwood movies, I went back in my memories to over twenty years ago, when I was trying to master the art of roller skating. It was mesmarizing to feel this relation to the old-fellow fear, the one I had or hadn't overcome years and years ago. And then it hit me once again how circlic our life span is. Situations repeat over and over again...until we learn the lesson.
A student at work mentioned one Trump book ten days ago. I asked to bring it to me for a read. As I started it, it looked a little not interesting to me, but I kept on reading to figure out at this very moment of last January morning blog post (after ritual Marlboro and in complete tranquility and harmony) the universe tries to create the most appropriate environment for my childhood insecurities to be finallly overcome. The book is all about not giving up, and overcoming obstacles, and finding the courage, and my routine is all about practice.
I have been coming across a word "eggregor" or something like that, which is basically the incidental occurence of one and the same phenomenon all around us for a reason. Probably that's the fear story. It came to draw my attention towards my fears, of which I thought I had none. I have created this image of strong independence, absolute determination and endless devotion so well, that I myself sometimes fail to remember of what I am made of. The asnwer is "insecurities" I guess...
