Choices

I chose it all - my job, my friends, my thoughts, my coffee. It is difficult to choose between Cappu and Cinna-topped Americano, Apple or Samsung, but it's even more difficult to choose people to share them with. I do it acknowledging the mistakes I might have made. But the ride is worth it all. The disappointment will fade away, as the Cappu will stop attracting me. And I will not choose that cherry lipstick from now on. I tossed it today. I tossed my disappointments,too. And whatever we are one thing is a must " One needs to have ***ls', notwithstanding the gender, to move ahead, still brave...still open-hearted...still moral.

And this will Pass

Everything passes. The beauty remains. When people cause me sufferings, I filter it all, and take with me the good only. There is one thing I am afraid of - losing people without making sure I did make clear how much Iloved them. I am not afraid of death, I have simply seen it. I know what it is when you neglect someone, and this someone dies, and you live your life with htis heavy load on your heart. This is why I so eagerly and generously speak out about my admirations and love.
The frozen moments pass. The pains pass. And this will pass. And all is left is that warm look of yours I will keep forever. And that will pass...Or will it not?

To My Friends

I have earned you, all of you. I love you all unconditionally, honestly, endlessly.

I have the best friends one may have. Sometimes, I have the feeling I do not make it clear to you what you mean to me, so here is a post about it. Here is a post to you who are there for me when I need, and not there when I need my space. The ones who call me from the USA and write from China, the ones who shop for me in Belarus, buy souvenirs in Cheque Republic, bring presents from their honeymoon trips. chat for hours from Israel and Russia, and miss me in Poland. I love you. The ones who I talk to every day, every week, every month, hardly ever. I thank you for your beautiful existence in my life. I do not like collecting stuff, but your presents, especially bracelets, earrings and scarves have special healing powers on me, and I make use of them. Friends never say goodbye, this I know. Even when we  split up for some reason (Belle, miss you here), or stop being that close for some reason ( Hasmik, you are always a very special one, though), or become too close for some reason (Dope, could not help), everything is great, everything is fine. With you even the worst days were the best ones, and I will always remember you. There's a part of you that will stay in me forever. 

Thank you millions of times for giving me reasons to smile, for making me feel loved and needed. I know I have earned you. I hope I will earn having you forever, too.

The importance of having said

Time takes us where we belong. Temporary and permanent..all settle in a box of chess figures.But the beauty remains. The beauty of the moments. When all Is gone, the only thing that makes us feel soothed is the feeling of havingsaid all we should have, having treated people the way they deserved, the kindest possible, the most human and moral possible...
Might be, it is because I am a linguist and a journalist and I literally play with words, but it is super easy for me to say the words people need years to utter. I am the one who said her former special one how impressed she was when first had seen him, the one who told her dad he was wrong in his most crucial decision, the one who constantly reminds her mom how she overcomplicates everything. I am not afraid of saying toomuch, I am happy to have said what I needed, felt like, wanted.
Never afraid to lose people, but afraid to lose them without having said all they deserved. There is nothing more intolerable for me than losing someone I love without having done my best to make them happy, whoever, however.
Dear beloveds, this is why I spare words of love and appreciation, not because I am a Drama Queen, not because I overreact, but because life serves us all shit, and I want to do my maximum to make sure I have treated you right, made you feel how much you mattered, having said all I needed.
To be free...to be happy...to be authentic.
...and something prompts me I am not that wrong...

I remember you

I remember you. Mom remembers you even more often. When we pass by places we were together. When we meet with your wife and deink for you. When we simply see you in our dreams. We remember you. We smile when we do. We cry when we do.
I remember once you took mom to visit me when I was in a camp in Tsaghkadzor. Everyone thought you were my dad. Because, in a way, you were. You werethe one to take me to Sevan for the first time. You were the one to be next to my mom when she lost her relatives. You were the one to ve my mom's best friend, boss, brother for almost three decades. You were special. To all of us. And I am so sorry it takes death to acknowledge this, but noone will ever look at me the way you did - That's Armenakovna's girl look is stamped on my forehead.
You were generous towards me, both psychologically and financially, and maybe because I never expected or asked or accepted most of your givings, you admired me so much. You used to boast everywhere I was special. You made me feel special.
I will always remember my birthday in your summer house. What a party it was! What fun we had!
I lost my second father when I lost you. You were like a second dad to me. We live without you. But we remember you. I remember you. I feel you. Thank you for being next to my family for the way you were thgough all and always.
Happy Birthday! I will always remember you! I will make sure my children know about your beautiful presence in our lives.

Rules that never fail to work

Looking down (:-)) from my 26 years of experiencing this beautiful life, analyzing my fulfilling relationships with the world and its dwellers, I have figured out a couple of unwritten rules that never fail to work:
-  One can never be equally successful in three ,major spheres of their life - everything is great either with your personal life, or academic-professional, or social. Running after balance helps temporarily only.
- The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Now let me paraphrase this for those who are polite and beware the word that starts with F. The less you care about stuff, the more the stuff cares for you. This refers to everyone and everything.
- What goes around comes all the way back around. Just the way it was sent. Just at times you never expect.
- Friends never say goodbye. Time washes away the friends we do not need, and keeps the people we need at hand's reach.
-Notice the signs. They come through people, music, street advertising. Ask the question, and the answer will catch up.
- Love exists. It is inside of us. Some nice or not very nice people help us reveal it, but the feeling is all inside. One can never lose a beloved one. The beloveds are in our hearts, and as far as they want it, they will be there, even when not at hand's reach anymore.
- Happiness is routine. Walking with someone, talking to someone, loving someone are daily practices. This is happiness.
Yes, I am super experienced in life. I am one who makes mistakes understanding the consequences and enjoying the moments. I know all the rules, I advise people, and I never act accordingly. I do it consciously.

Երեկ լիալուսին էր

Գիրք էի կարդում, մեկ էլ աչքս լուսնին ընկավ։ Էնքան մեծ ու սիրուն էր լուսինը։ Կլոր, պայծառ, ամպերի մեջ սիրուն փաթաթված։  էնքան սիրուն լիալուսին էր, որ ուզեցա զանգեմ սիրելիիս ու ասեմ, որ ինքն էլնայի, էն էլ մտքովս անցավ, որ առանց ասելու էլ կնայի, ու տենց ավելի ռոմանԾիկ ա։ Նայեցի ու իմ Լուսնին հիշեցի, կարոտեցի։ Ու հիշեցի, որ ինքն իրա ամերիկաներում նույն իմ լուսնին ա նայում։ Նայեցի Լուսնին ու ասեցի, որ իմ Լուսնին շատ եմ սիրում։ Առավոտյան տեսա, որ ինքն էլ էր հենց էդ պահին մտքերով իմ հետ. սիրուն բաներ էր գրում, գրում էր, որ կարոտում ա։ Դու իմ Լիալուսինն ես, գանձս։ Քեզ սիրում-միրում եմ։ Շուտ հետ արի, որ էլի երկար-երկար իրար հետ լացենք))