Illusion or not...Error_____

Who has had a chance to discuss relationships with me knows what I say about them all - there is no such thing as a relationship, it is all our imagination, our perceptions of the reality. There is no hatred or love, theres is what we think it is, what we want it to be. I say we take the image, the outer layer of a person we like physically and apply to that person all the good we want to see in his/her deeds, and then get disappointed as we see our expectations are not met. I have said this to so many people and so many times, that I myself started to believe in it.
And then there is my good friend, my system restarter Harout, who looks at me through the smoke and says " Sun, illusion is what you want it to be. Reality is what you neglect. You call relationships illusive, but you experience the authentic". Error_______
Defence mechanism?

The old and the new

Old is always boring, and new is attractive, new is promising. But why is it so that as I get the new, I get disappointed very soon and want to go back to my same old, same boring?! And is that only my brain that functions this way?
I want a new phone, I get it, and then I compare it with the old one, and suddenly the old seems more valuable to me. The new one sucks. Why? Because the old one has memories of my conversations and messages and photos with my beloved ones. It took my a while to undestand I love the old simply because it relates to me, and the new can relate too, once I invest in it.
This refers to friends, boyfriends, people in general,too. Old is gold, but new is always better. Or is it not?

Take Your Time

It is so absolutely crucial to take Your time. Our time. There is noone, but you, you - happy, you - desperate.
As I turn my laptop on, I look into the sky, I open the magazine page photo sent by my editor, read about that gorgeous painter whose insights open a whole new world to me, turn the beautiful cello music on and I take my time -  here and now. My fingers start struggling against the keyboard, running faster, and faster, no time for a coffee sip, no time for Facebook notifications, no time for even Tchaikovsky's Waltz for the Flowers, I am gone, I have taken my time and disappeared. And I see from beside how my body is still sitting in the armchair and how my long nails take me to rage every time they make my typing uncomfortable, and I see my head swaying in the rhythm of the music,my face is so bright, my eyes are closed, but I secretly follow the screen, and a dim smile crosses my lips as I see every letter is typed correctly. The music changes, the tempo changes, a sip of water, a thought of life, and Euphoria's gone. Time was taken. I am back now.

Vulnerable

We are all just scared to be vulnerable.
We wear the masks, seem ignorant, behave irrelevant with one and only aim not to show our inner child. Because once it comes out, we are not perceived the same we had been before. We are like naked in public.
And only the special ones who we trust more have the privilege to see our vulnerability. Does that matter? A question for time to ask...

The Good, the Bad, and the Crazy

Noone is flawless: we just choose to cope with the flaws of the beloved ones only.
Every time I feel I have an absolute friend, a flaw shows up, it might have the face of a rude remark, an accidental gossip or a secret that was expected to be shared with me. And then there is this dilemma- to fight or let go.
Fight hasmany faces. I have done one fight with a close friend not to lose. I just disappeared from the life of the person, knowing it would make us even closer when we make up again. At the edge of losing forever we found out each other, thanks to Life, and since then nothing is strong enough to split us up. We tried being without each other - one month was the maximum we could endure.
It is easy to get mad and send your closest friends to hell at the moment of rage or hurt,but is itworth all the life you have shared till then? Who will gain from loss? None.
Yesterday at a party one greatcomplete stranger was talking about friendship and said "We are capable of changing a lifetime friend with an hourly acquaintance, it is our essence.But one needs to cherish any friendship and work on it. The message of the conversation was "everything needs to be talked over". I could  not have agreed more. After being the initiator and supporter of sending my closest friends to hell I have understood one thing; If I decide or life makes me choose someone as a friend I need to take the full pack of the person, including the good, the bad, and the crazy, and always remember that my full pack is not less difficult to handle.
Working on relationships, talking matters over, not giving up, not being weak- my new working points.

Photos too precious to be shared

Checkins and taggings, comments and likings....photos to brag...photos to impress...photos to motivate...
In this year of faking a life on fakebook(c), sharing love and hatred on timelines, we still have photos depicting emotions too precious to be shared, even if they show the best of us. Photos of the most memorable moments are too important to be publicized - sometimes, there are so powerful that we are afraid to look at them too many times and for too long, dreading the fear of taking the charm.
Yet, at the moments of ultimate pleasure and soul satisfaction, we just close our eyes and take a screenshot of us at that moment to keep in mind and heart all those comforting senses to remember them at the times of feeling useless to ourselves.

The Look of God

The look of God is in your eyes, in the eyes of my parents, of my beloved man, of my best friends and worst acquaintances. the look of devotion, the look of being there for me is there to remind me God is Love, and it is in Practice that works. God is the strength my mother gets to support me when I am desperately childish and vulnerable. God is the patience my best friend possesses when I am at my worst and show the evil I do not actually have a lot. God is when my students spare me their love and appreciation and when I realize I am absolutely happy and successful in my career. God is when I hang out with my dear people and see my happy look from aside. I am happy to have God around all the time. God has no religion. God is Love. God is Life.