Farewell to My Mirror

You are My Mirror, My Opposite, My one and Only, My Dream Man. But it was you who fell in love with my wit and gave up on me because of my wit. It was you who supported me to be better and gave up on me when I became my best. It was you who changed me most, it was you, my unintended, my scratched mirror, who made me feel so special and loved and abandoned.
I had never believed in love at first sight, but it was all before I met you.
I had never been obedient, but it was all before you tamed me.
I had never been weak and available for the opposite sex, but it was all before you slaved me.
You confessed I had you from the first glance, but you confessed also that the first thought you had was that I was not "Your size". Whose size am I then, if not yours, My Dream Man.
You gave up on us too early, you never believed I might be soft for you, even when I was my softest.
I am giving up on us, after having tried to give up for some 3 years now, wish me well, and let me go at last. I am tired of be pulled back every time you see I really move on.
I know I will marry soon, I will marry a very decent man, who will not be mine from the first look, who will not tame me, who will simply think I am Right His Size, and only I will know My Size is still lonesome as ever and praying for me.
Let us Be Happy, My Mirror, Simultaneously, not together.
It took me maturity to realize You can have the strongest Love ever, yet never be together. Let us be happy forever, My Mirror.

About my Best Friend

I have had so many best friends and friends and acquaintances, who were worth and nor very much.
It was different this time.
Could not track how it happened but I woke up one day realizing there is a big Sun in my Life called Panda.
I clearly remember the time you mentioned how people never realize and acknowledge and appreciate your devotion, and it was the moment you went straight into my inner child's heart. I seldom get pampered with the feeling of being appreciated for my devotion. But with you I am sure, I am. Though you are my biggest critic, you are my biggest fan, and thank you for it.
It was funny how we went though all the days- weird to talk to someone every single day and still have something to learn.
I love the way we communicate- saying no masks means saying nothing. Sure, we both have a couple of secrets, still I am more than sure we have both shared this much with noone and hardly ever will.
We have built our friendship on cappu and cinnamon, Merlot and Ceaser salad, posh restaurants and shaurma, motivation letters and applications, my dramas and your tolerance, your bitchiness and my understanding.
I remember all many times your shoulder was there for me to cry on, you remember all many times my eyes were there to support your shitty and gorgeous writings- we grew together, we overcame together, we had so much fun together. We have overcome some of the most important phases in our lives together, still at those time we never noticed it.
Sometimes we both hate each other, just for a short time, that is when we fuck up and feel proud of our stubborn asses and proud selves. Still, none of us ever went to bed knowing the other is hurt or lonesome or needs her/him. And in the long run we have been the biggest supporters of one another, the best friends, though we both  avoid this word so much.
With every episode we watch, every meal we share, every photo we send my cloud grows bigger and bigger, and if for some reason we will not be there for each other I want us to remember all the fun we had and thank God for having one another around.
I hear your heartbeat, Sweetheart, and always will. Forever!
Thanks for being so special, for never letting me down, and for meeting all my super high expectations.
Live you, my Best Best Friend ever!

The Beauty of the End

People come and others go.
We make life, and that is all.
Ain't no other game to play
Than to give and take away.

Once so close, do people part,
Once unknown, do feelings rush,
All that's mine is all you gave
All I shared with you you spare.

Jealousy with love and hatred,
Expectations, still, never met
All that's mine is all you leave,
It's the beauty of the end I feel.

Noone owes me any hope,
I have paid my dues on time,
This was mine, and then it's gone,
Life goes on, new ones will come.

Mutuality

If I have chosen you to share some fun,
Make sure to pay back the time I set gone.
If you have me by your side every time,
Make sure you are there when in need is soul mine.

I am such a bad one, once broke, never healed.
If I waste chances, you're gone, never cared.
I give you my best, wanting in return.
Meet my expectations, or simply move on.

I am not that rich to blow off my love,
If you feel my warmth, be sure to pay off,
Since at that drastic moment my heart breaks apart,
You'll be noone to me, not the first, not the last.

I am used to getting and losing, I enjoy letting go,
I am strong enough to move on. Are you too?
People mean nothing. It's relationship I love
And if we fall apart, be grateful for more.

Parallelly

I am texting, he is sleeping, she is drinking coffee, they are dreaming.
Life is so rich in its chances. We all have equal opportunities- according to our merits and capacities. Just some of us seize every vague one, and some of us blow every fantastic one. Yet, many many things happen at the same time.
I usually remember this simultaneous reality on a plane, but this time I remembered it because I felt me and my precious friend doing the same thing at the same time without sharing the important news- we were thinking of each other.
My friends are so interesting. One of them tells about her newly born kid only, the other shares her wisdom, the third just demands my constant existence, the forth wants me there for hanging outs only. But they all have their parallel moments of living, the ones connected with me.
It has always been interesting for me to stop for a second and realise how many things might be changing at that very moment- time is so powerful.
Time is powerful indeed. It changes out value systems, relationship bonds, job preferences, and everything parallelly, without even reporting to us.
The parallel reality is there at every second, and I can but notice and feel the changes they bring to the ones precious to me.
And yes, I wanted to mention the parallel love I give and get during my teaching. This subconscious bucket of devotion always coming back to me is another parallel reality. 
We do not need to utter everything, some things are felt with the heart. Sorry for crappiness.
Just notice the parallel reality and enjoy the subconscious energy flow.

Principles and Actions

They are interconnected, that is true. But which one is the boss? Do we act in a specific way because our  principles guide us, or do our principles form based on the situation and previous life experience?
As we got acquainted, my acquaintance mentioned in a conversation she does not like using people. Already knowing her zodiac sign, I could not help but grin in a very wicked manner. Sure, I was right. Every single thing she has done since that day has proved her maneuvering people like puppets, making them serve her, meet her demands, even if that led to the inconvenience of the formers. It is not delegating tasks through people, it is using people. The worst type of symbiotic relations ever. I gave myself a chance to try it- making people do something at my convenience. Even in the cases when people expressed strong eagerness to serve, my inner self could not afford the luxury. I am not that type. Is that good? Not sure.
My friend things people should keep contacts with those who they might need in the short, medium or long run... Hmm...How do they realize who might be needed in the future and who not? I am again illiterate and inexperienced, but I pamper myself to try. What's the outcome? I keep in touch with everybody, but this is not coming from me. They need me. The have various requests for me- from translating to shopping for them. And I eagerly do and end up being the one people want to keep in touch because I might help them. Do I learn any lesson from this? Never.
When it comes to me, I cannot practice these. I want to, I realize the ease they bring, but I cannot. It is not because my principles are rebellious. It is because my actions form my principles nourished by the past experience.
My priority is my inner comfort, to know I was not a burden. This is my principle.
Is this good? Not sure.

People who take photos and people who notice the moment

It is trendy now. We take photos of our looks, beautifully arranged table, nicely held hands, weeding ceremony, concerts, proper make-up and Ararat. But a few really notice the beauty and value of the things their lens is capturing. So what is the aim of capturing it? Very few people and very rarely find mood and nerves to have a third or forth look at their beautiful photos they have taken with so much effort.

Living in the moment and noticing the moment-no need for the smart device to capture, the brain and heart will seize the chance. 

Seeing through the device is beautiful, noticing without interventions of any kind, technical or physical, is still incomparable.