People lose people

 

Lovers' park, Davook's bear
December 2019

It was back in 2010 ..I was about to graduate college, when my coursemate who I thought was my  bestie started to turn into a stranger (you know this feeling) and said in a conversation (not to me, just randomly) that people cannot lose people because noone belongs to anyone. In other words, we do not own people. Ever since that day I had been trying to instill it into my brain that it is impossible to lose anyone since noone owns anyone. And I was quite successful until recently...

What happened recently was that I have just lost many more and in bulks and thought about whether I lost them or what. I was inclined to think "or what", but then it struck me that people do own little particles of their loved ones. And it is when the relationship gets the first cracks that little by little these pieces are either returned to the owner or thrown into the wind. Sledom are they kept and cherished with gratitude.

In contrast, have you ever met a former partner or a friend after a while, say a decade, and gotten the vibe that there is still something small and unique and rare and exceptional between you too? This may be your ex-boyfriend introducing his fiancee to you and you having the feeling it is still you who he tries to impress, because you still matter. 

This week I heard of five deaths and visited two wakes. Losing physical bodies of our dearly beloved ones is another topic to elaborate on, but it is the loss of connection between souls that I am talking about here today.

It has become so trendy to encourage everyone to just move on, let go of "outdated" relationships. People try to be "self-enough", and do not always remember that we are social creatures, indeed. Moving from one person to another so rapidly is not exactly similar to bees jumping from flower to flower.          

People lose people and then find them in their shared bottles of wine, songs and food, parks and smells. Isn't this bad? How pleasant it is to recover a memory of years ago with a person who is not there for us anymore. And we are deeply convinced they have forgotten about us, but, as a matter of fact, they are as needy as us, and also, as insecure as us. "Self-enoughness" is insecurity, as to me, but I will talk about it some other time.

People do lose people. nevertheless. Because yes, we belong to the ones we give our time, hopes, love, expectations, care. By sharing our most valued possessions we give our particles, and with losing them we lose the people or vice versa. 

Happy Vardavar!

p.s.  Did you notice what was written on the bear's Tshirt?