I am starting the thirtieth year of my current life tonight. I am putting together the gains and losses of the previous year. I am trying to wrap up all thoughts. And guess what? I end up citing facebook fancy photo captions. This was the most challenging and the most rewarding year so far. I lost people, both literally and figuratively, and I gained people, both literally and figuratively. Now I want to write the points of wisdom insights I have gotten during my 29th year to look back later and remind myself.
1. It was this year that I met the men I thought I needed to understand how I should not humble my expectations, decrease my standards, adapt for weaker men because I saw strong men who were there for me in the most unexpected ways. There was an incidence when one looked me in the eyes and slapped me with all my weaknesses which are gift wrapped in my false confidence and serves to the world. And I loved it. And I accepted it.
2. It was this year that I literally kicked and let people out of my life because they were not the friends I thought they were. Till then I had been inventing reasons for their disrespectful and unacceptable behavior. But this year people showed me that I can be loved and appreciated without “earning” it and just being my natural self, me crazy, changeable, but loving and caring cute self.
3. It was this year I prioritized myself over the world. For the first time. I chose myself above all and everything. Osho is right. Only after choosing to love me I realized how to love people. My opting for my own needs I evaluated people around me in a different, more healthy way. Previously I thought love is sacrifice. Now I know, Love is comfort.
4. It was this year that for the zillionth time I saw how cheap, disrespectful, afraid, dumb people can be. And I learnt to be okay with it. I learned not to preach my morale, but to accept. Acceptance is such a blessing. Acceptance gives freedom to us.
5. It was this year that for the third time I confirmed to myself that I am doing the right job for me. I love my job. It makes me happy. It makes me feel useful. I would never have changed my profession if I could. My job gives me the satisfaction to fight jealousy and meanness.
6. It was this year that I mastered the subtle art of not giving fuck and the even subtler art of shutting up. I am especially proud of the last one. Keeping silent when you want to scream. Keeping silent when tons of bullshit are streamed towards you: what can be more powerful?
7. It was this year that I forgave my parents. I know, sounds stupid. But I am deeply convinced we should be brave to understand our parents and accept their will, respect and love them the way they need, not the way we want or we can. Our relationship with our parents comes above all, even our relationship with ourselves, because we started, as creatures, from them, with them, by them, via them, through them, thanks to them...and how can we settle any other relationship once we do not have it settled with the ultimate relationship- parents-kids!
8. It was this year I realized, I felt and I allowed myself not to be an option. I am a choice and I am a priority, but I am never an option, and I will try my best to make sure people who I care for get this. If I choose you, you need to choose me. If no, I should be wise enough to look around and notice people who chose and silently love us.
9. It was this year that I started to spend money on myself. Loads. And I fucking enjoy it.
10. It was this year that I saw again how fair life is and how everyone gets what they have earned- Be it an exam result, relationship or health. I thought a lot about health, by the way. I started to take care of my health and I analyzed deeply my health concerns and figured out why I have each and every. Health is the reflection of our heart and soul. We should take a proper care.
11. It was this year that I realized how brave I should be to accept people the way they are, not the way I hope they are, and even braver, to accept myself. Self- awareness is an important thing. When we understand ourselves we start noticing others.
12. It was this year I proved once again that people notice stuff without us pointing at it, can be our diligent work noticed by the boss or our silent care noticed by a friend. Nothing goes unnoticed, fortunately.
1. It was this year that I met the men I thought I needed to understand how I should not humble my expectations, decrease my standards, adapt for weaker men because I saw strong men who were there for me in the most unexpected ways. There was an incidence when one looked me in the eyes and slapped me with all my weaknesses which are gift wrapped in my false confidence and serves to the world. And I loved it. And I accepted it.
2. It was this year that I literally kicked and let people out of my life because they were not the friends I thought they were. Till then I had been inventing reasons for their disrespectful and unacceptable behavior. But this year people showed me that I can be loved and appreciated without “earning” it and just being my natural self, me crazy, changeable, but loving and caring cute self.
3. It was this year I prioritized myself over the world. For the first time. I chose myself above all and everything. Osho is right. Only after choosing to love me I realized how to love people. My opting for my own needs I evaluated people around me in a different, more healthy way. Previously I thought love is sacrifice. Now I know, Love is comfort.
4. It was this year that for the zillionth time I saw how cheap, disrespectful, afraid, dumb people can be. And I learnt to be okay with it. I learned not to preach my morale, but to accept. Acceptance is such a blessing. Acceptance gives freedom to us.
5. It was this year that for the third time I confirmed to myself that I am doing the right job for me. I love my job. It makes me happy. It makes me feel useful. I would never have changed my profession if I could. My job gives me the satisfaction to fight jealousy and meanness.
6. It was this year that I mastered the subtle art of not giving fuck and the even subtler art of shutting up. I am especially proud of the last one. Keeping silent when you want to scream. Keeping silent when tons of bullshit are streamed towards you: what can be more powerful?
7. It was this year that I forgave my parents. I know, sounds stupid. But I am deeply convinced we should be brave to understand our parents and accept their will, respect and love them the way they need, not the way we want or we can. Our relationship with our parents comes above all, even our relationship with ourselves, because we started, as creatures, from them, with them, by them, via them, through them, thanks to them...and how can we settle any other relationship once we do not have it settled with the ultimate relationship- parents-kids!
8. It was this year I realized, I felt and I allowed myself not to be an option. I am a choice and I am a priority, but I am never an option, and I will try my best to make sure people who I care for get this. If I choose you, you need to choose me. If no, I should be wise enough to look around and notice people who chose and silently love us.
9. It was this year that I started to spend money on myself. Loads. And I fucking enjoy it.
10. It was this year that I saw again how fair life is and how everyone gets what they have earned- Be it an exam result, relationship or health. I thought a lot about health, by the way. I started to take care of my health and I analyzed deeply my health concerns and figured out why I have each and every. Health is the reflection of our heart and soul. We should take a proper care.
11. It was this year that I realized how brave I should be to accept people the way they are, not the way I hope they are, and even braver, to accept myself. Self- awareness is an important thing. When we understand ourselves we start noticing others.
12. It was this year I proved once again that people notice stuff without us pointing at it, can be our diligent work noticed by the boss or our silent care noticed by a friend. Nothing goes unnoticed, fortunately.
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