24.03.2023

Games people opt not to play

My close friend of eleven years visited me yesterday. She had bought for me an avocado, a chicken breast, some fruits and berries, and a small pack of our favorite chocolate. Another close friend of five years visited me two days ago, and she had brought me fruits and berries. But friend would usually go with chocolate bars and pastries, no? As I asked Lilit to unload her purchases into the fridge since I was busy making breakfast for us (fried eggs,nothign fancy FYI) I figured out how intimate we had become that she knows bringing chicken breast for a friend with eating disorders struggling with her hormone imbalances is quite appropriate, and moreover, welcome! As we were sitting and discussing our improbable relationship having grown into something truly intimate we realized that the secret was our decision to quit playing games with one another. What I mean is, that unlike most social intercourses, we had come to the verdict that being our true selves, sharing our vulnerabilities openly, discussing our childhood traumas has made it possible for us to never be hurt or bored, always anticipate meetings with each other, accept each other the way we truly are, not the way we would liek to be. All people, being bitches craving for attention....ok....let me rephrase....most people, being attention whores, need to play their social role in a way that attracts attention and praise, admiration and approval of the society. Why? Probably, childhood traumas, as I love to joke (semi-joke). Our unfulfilled desires for approval follow us thoughout all the span of our life, they reflect in every small act - our manners, our looks, the words we choose - they all define our "true" inner kids, and to what extent, if so, have we healed ourselves. My cousins, their relationship with one another and their attitude towards me are my favorite observation platforms. We come from more or less similar upbringing, and I have ibserved them for the last thirty-three years, so it is realtively easier for me to delve into their games and insecurities. Of course, I don't forget to start with myself every time I decide to go further into games people play, and I see how smoothly and easily I opt not to impress people as I paralelly cure my wounds. I was watching a video about a social experiment yesterday. The essence of the trial was as follows; they had proffered customers the same cosmetic item to buy put in two different- a more fancy and a more basic- bottle. The scientists had also tracked down the confidence levels of the people choosing one over the other. What they had found out was that the groups of people who had gone for a fancier package showed les confidence levels. What do I want to say? The less insecure I become, the less social games I opt to play and the clsoer I get to my true self, which is neither the body, nor the heart I currently use, but something more, something bigger, something universally long-lasting and valuable through venturies, if not millenia...